Why Does A Partner Ask For A Divorce?
There are many reasons why a once great relationship would degenerate to one partner asking for a divorce. Some of the main reasons are:
– An affair, be it real or emotional
– Being separated by a long distance, for lengths of time, due to work or related issues
– Conflicts on common issues of life, like money, kids, in-laws
– Behavioural issues or psychological problems of one spouse
– Substance or alcohol addictions
A couple could find themselves in danger of divorce when there is a loss of:
You can do something about your marriage
You must realize first that, YOU HAVE A CHOICE. When confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner. We start to think that we have no choice in the matter. Can we change the situation when it involves another person’s feelings or decisions? Well, we should not IN NO WAY manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind. That only works in the negative way. We can only control how we react to the situation.
You must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. You can even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is feeling or saying. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and pro-actively.
Choose to be loving and save your marriage
You can choose to suffer in pain and anger or choose to become even more positive and loving towards your spouse. You can choose to blame and shame your partner or choose to be accountable for where your marriage is. You can decide move on towards a more fulfilling, happy you. You can choose to be fulfilled and happy in the midst of the marriage crisis you are in now.
Your spouse could be stubborn and unresponsive. But you can still change yourself and become as engaging, positive and proactive. I know it is easier said than done. Usually, at the struggling stage of a relationship, one or both couples would look back and miss the good old days. The days that things were sweet and it was easy to be together. You can capture those days again. You can even add to them with your own current maturity and growth.
After all, you have invested in your marriage and got here anyway. You and your spouse have made a huge investment into this partnership. Your intention to stay in the marriage through positive loving actions, through open communication and strengthened commitment can help your spouse refocus on what you both were once committed to.
The little everyday things
Become a loving person again by caring for your spouse in the little everyday things you used to do before. Set aside intimate time just for your partner. Previously, you may have let the kids take up too much of your time. When the time comes to open communication with your spouse, actually sit down and discuss keeping close eye contact. You must show that you really want to spend time and the communication matters.
Ask why you reached to this point in your marriage. Does your spouse actually realize that a divorce has emotional, financial, logistical and physical consequences? A divorce brings permanent change and it is definitely not to be taken lightly. If your spouse wants a divorce, try to understand why that decision is reached.
Marriage counsellors can help
Finally, you also have the option to involve a mediator to help you and your spouse through this situation. If the situation is truly serious then by all means, get help from a professional in this area. This is not the time to let your pride get in the way and destroy your marriage. A professional counsellor, trusted community or church elder or a trusted friend can help in putting things into perspective.
You can even get a great insight in your marital problems that will help you unlock deep seated concerns or issues. The issue could as well be as simple as your partner wanting more attention or intimacy.